Football...the world's most beautiful game

Suspect not, this blog title is indeed what it reads as, nothing else.

As much as I'd like to belong to the larger group of the global population who literally eat football, drink football and probably even breathe football - somehow, something, somewhere always held me back from even developing the slightest form of interest in the game.

Believe me when I say that it is not the game itself which I dislike. The issue with me and my lack of liking for the sport is more deeply rooted with the kind of reaction the infamous game evokes among hardcore fans or die-hard supporters, however you wish to call it.

I need not go too far to cite examples of how an individual's religious-fanatism like craze towards football played by international teams can cause unwanted squabbles in even small families (hint, hint...I'm talking about my own here!).

My 68-year-old retired civil servant father depicts how a football fan's life and daily priorities become topsy-turvy the moment international soccer championship fever, like the current EURO 2004 for example, grips the transmission lines of paid sattelite televisions.

During times like these, to precisely quote my respected father, the world he lives in simply turns to become one that is filled with nothing but all stuff related to the glorious game. As he rightly pointed out to my home-maker mother and myself, at precise times of the year like now where it is football madness at every nook and corner, he (my father, that is) sees no need for our presence in ensuring his meals, essential needs and other daily wants are timely met.

At this point in time alone, he is an independent man who needs none by his side...unless of course, it is yet another soccer fan wishing to keep him company by staying awake in the wee hours of the morning to watch the matches.

Apart from that, he declares undeniable happiness if only my mother and I could vanish temporarily - he wants to hear no voice, breath, foot steps or even see our shadows anywhere near or in the living room area (where the idiot box is placed) during live, delayed live telecast and even repeat matches.

Oh well, so much for the love of the world's most beautiful game that I've long stopped reasoning with my born-to-be-served father (with all due respect, mind you) each time he decides that where decision making and priority of preference is concerned, he comes first. No further arguments.

Oh, and forget this I shouldn't at any given time - my stand on football or bola sepak as it is known in Malay, remains. I've got a huge problem getting along and liking people who go ga-ga over football matches, to the point all else (people included) are expected to take a back seat, throughout the year.

Among many unfortunate incidents related to the game recently, the following link tells of an extreme example of what should not be football-associated.

http://www.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyID=5515086

Love Marriages - Part 2

The last couple of days, especially after an earlier blog on the topic of love marriages - I've been trying hard to remain focused on what more I wish to rant pertaining this delicate yet fiery issue.

It is not so much about me trying to convince myself that marrying the one you love is by far and large a better option to exercise (I reiterate that everyone is entitled to their own opinion).

Rather, what stirs my mind to think deeper about this is the fact that for too long now, I, just like many others out there, often feel an unseen tinge of excitement when talking of love marriages - sadly, without knowing the real depth and significance of it.

Blame it on globally successful Bollywood flicks such as Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, Kabhi Khushi Kahbie Gham, Kal Ho Na Ho or the classic English super-hit Titanic if you must - but I can't deny that to a large extent, movies based on love sagas as the central theme, have played and continue to play a vital role in influencing our understanding of what constitutes a love marriage.

However, when I say movies influence individual connotations of love marriages - I'm surely not talking about the dream-like Chaya Chaya hot number by Shah Rukh Khan performed on roof top of a fast moving train, nor am I citing Canadian music diva Celine Dion's rendition of My Heart Will Go On music clips -- which many actually want in reality.

I'm trying to arrive at the fact that, knowingly or otherwise, many assume love marriages are a lot easier to 'live' with besides acting as a fundamental base to ensure happiness of both partners in the relationship is taken care of. Almost all successful movies and novels on love and matters of the heart are expected to end along the lines of '....and they lived happily ever after.'

In reality, many around me (since I lack this experience myself) testify that falling in love and marrying the same person, without being prepared for the lifestyle, mental and emotional transition from a courting couple to being legally and ceremonially wed poses the same risk as marrying a total stranger chosen by the parents or elders.

I've spoken to couples of different religion, age and social standing, including those married to their long time high-school lovers as well as people who tied the knot simply because it was their family's choice - and the retort doesn't differ much. Couples well into their late 70s / early 80s of age, still vouch by the fact that love marriages are by no means a piece of cake - truth is, it is by far more challenging to handle than even conventional arranged weddings.

An interesting insight I got from my informal "married-couple's secrets" interview comes as a total surprise to me (since my understanding of this is like asking me to figure an add maths formula [i hate maths with a venegence]).

The revelation, as shocking as it may be for my own good, did help knock some sense into me - successfully!

Little did I know that love marriages pose a greater challenge in terms of streering the relationship in the right direction for years to come. The most difficult aspect to handle is said to be the couple's willingness to step out of their comfort zone (i.e.from just boyfriends & girlfriends) to actually assuming the role of husband and wife.

What can be so difficult about this in a love marriage compared to, say a typical Indian arranged wedding I pondered? And true enough, I got an answer through my own observation (not limited to brother Suresh & sister-in-law Ms.Boo's recent marriage) that the person one loves dearly can be the extremely difficult person/character to manage in the long run, specifically in marriage.

I was told that partially, this happens simply because our loved ones just know us inside out and when the time comes, it is basically in the respective couple's hands whether or not their sound understanding of each other is put towards positive changes.

More often than not, notes a married-for-12-years (arranged marriage) couple, arguments arise in love marriages when both partners fight for what is commonly termed as 'unequal equality' - they agreed prior to marriage on both remaining equal in the union. But as months become years, one partner begins to knowingly or otherwise, dominate the household.

Thus, the other throws tantrums of some magnitude, I'm told, to drive the point of their unhappiness with the unequal treatment. And when the situation is reversed, the partner who initially felt victimised by the unequality, will actually attempt to dominate the other for reasons best known only to them.

This is done despite the fact that once a upon a time, they knew what it felt like to be dominated by the significant other and yet, when things change, they simply choose to inflict the same dominance onto the other.

A tale of sweet revenge? You bet it is, but not necessarily the pleasant of all experience the union of two people can offer to each other's life long needs.

So, am I saying that love marriage is a no go?

Actually, I don't know.

Yes, it sounds rather disappointing that after all that I've raved above I can't really say something concrete.

But hey, on the bright side I'm being utterly honest about how I feel and this is what my blog is all about isn't it?

About saying what I want to say, exactly the way I want it said?

Having said that, I must make it known that much of my own indecisiveness on this issue and all other related views is firmly etched on my personal trust that marriages - love or arranged alike, are made in heaven!

And Love Marriage Means...No Transition Period - Pt 1

The heading is actually my lesson of the day - learnt on Saturday, June 5th 2004.

Sorry that this blog wasn't up on time to reflect the timeliness of the lesson learnt on the said day.

Of importance to note is the fact that this blog title is also a direct quote, in essence it was a indeed a quoteable quote from my just-returned-from-honeymoon sister-in-law, Miss oooppss...sorry, the politically correct term now would be Mrs. Bavani Subramaniam.

For the record, Mrs. Bavani who the family fondly calls as Boo is actually married to my beloved brother Mr. Suresh Ramasamy. They officially tied the knot on May 23rd 2004 in the northern state of Penang Island, which is otherwise known as Pearl of the Orient, marked by a ceremonial wedding coloured with Hindu tradition and witnessed by family and friends (the wedding itself and my experience being a bride's mate is worth a blog on its own - to emerge soon).

Back to the lesson learnt (see how easily I get distracted when speaking of Ms. Boo?!) - my dear sister-in-law (SIL), upon settling down comfortably on her brand-new L-shaped sofa last Saturday, made the statement of the day (refer to title of this blog) out of the norm.

Though I'm still trying to figure why she came up with the brilliant idea of saying what she did, I must say, in all honesty, that credit is due to Ms. Boo for giving me an insight into what she meant by and I quote, "... and love marriage means no transition period in one's married life because you get to marry the person you courted and love so very deeply. It eases the immediate post marriage-blues and reduces the tension most arranged-marriage couples undergo in normal circumstances."

As much as her quote was least anticipated (I must also qualify that Ms.Boo is known to say what is often least expected in the nick of time) and out-of-the-purple (yeah, I adore purple, so what?) - it got me thinking hard.

My brother Suresh, equally took me by surprise when he used the opportunity to start an action-packed conversation among us on the advantages of love marriage.

What started out as an impromptu sentence from Ms. Boo, actually got me thinking of real facts of life - thoughts of how true her statement is, still lingers in my mind. The advantages of a love marriage endorsed by both parents (in her instance, that is) in a day-to-day living concept was something I never thought of.

I mean, of course, I've heard a million reasons why one should prefer to have a love marriage as opposed to an arranged marriage (note that I'm not trying to pit one against the other, am only stating my personal preference towards love marriages) but I never really got around thinking about the benefits of love marriages from a practical perspective - especially, the merits as rightly pointed out by my sister-in-law.

Love marriages mean no transition period.

Am still pondering over it. Am thinking about what I used to think about love marriages. Am recalling why love marriages appealed to me much stronger than traditionally arranged weddings.

Am still trying to figure it out completely - there is much that comes to the mind at the mention of love marriages but so little time to express it all.

Watch this space for Part 2 on Love Marriages!