No Boob Jobs, Please, We're British

Source: Agence France-Presse - 8/12/2009 11:15 PM GMT

Help! I've just had my breasts enlarged and I don't like the new size. British embassy -- sort out my boobs!
Along with tips on jam-making and how best to discipline naughty boys, these are just a few of the bonkers requests being fired at British embassies around the world, the Foreign Office said Thursday.
The country's 261 diplomatic missions across the globe are getting fed up of bizarre demands for help from Brits abroad, some of whom seem to think the British embassy is an agency for finding lost sunglasses and paying bills.
"If you have a serious problem abroad -- maybe you've been involved in an accident, have lost your passport or are a victim of crime -- we can help you," said Juliet Maric, the British Consul in Alicante on the Spanish east coast.
"But we can't tell you who is allowed to use your swimming pool, pay your taxi fares for you -- or do anything about the exchange rate.
"We regularly get enquiries from people who think we're a one-stop-shop for any problem they might encounter while abroad; this can be frustrating as we need to focus resources on the serious cases that we're there to help with."
One lady, unhappy with the size of her newly-boosted breasts following surgery, asked if the embassy could help.
A mother asked the Florida consulate to help her teenage son pack his suitcase and give him a lift to the airport as he was feeling unwell.
One person called in consular assistance to find out what ratio of fruit to sugar should be used when making jam.
A holidaymaker in Italy asked the embassy where a particular brand of shoes could be bought.
Other requests have included asking for embassy staff to pay a bill when a credit card had "maxed out" and a traveller asking "Can you tell me how to make my naughty son behave?"
"Our embassies are not there to provide weather reports or give advice on unruly children," said consular affairs minister Chris Bryant.
"It's important that British nationals understand what the Foreign Office can and can't do for them."

'Tis The Season...To Lodge Police Reports & File SDs

Nothing quite like what's happening right here and right now in Bolehland has ever happened in this nation's history.

Oh well, at least as far as I know the history of this country, that is.

And have you done your part?

What part, you ask?

No. Am not talking about casting your votes in the ballot boxes. That was done on March 8th and the nation hasn't quite been the same since.

And no. Am also not talking about paying your taxes. That deadline of April 30th has also passed.

Am talking about what people in this country 'generally do' in the month of July, the official month for police reports and statutory declarations (SD)!

What?

Whaaaaaaaat? You mean you didn't know you HAVE to lodge a police report or probably file a statutory declaration come July?

Common! Where have you been? Timbaktu?

The whole nation is thriving on police reports after police reports and sworn statements and you just sit there not doing anything?

Get up, you lazy moron. Get out there. Head to the police station and lodge your report. Nevermind if its over trivial matters, after all the law enforcers are there to help us.

If police reports aren't your cuppa, fret not. Go see a commissioner for oath and declare all that you know of who's who and there, bingo! You've just done your part for the country.

Now, now, now...with a spate of all these police reports, will the cops just have the time to investigate?

Hey, don't sweat over it man.

When they are done investigating one another for alledgedly not sharing bribes received, they'll get to your case.

Promise. Don't you trust me?

You gotta have faith.

After all, we're talking of the men in blue who profess the BERSIH. CEKAP. AMANAH. tagline.

Source: www.thestar.com.my
Friday July 11, 2008
By SARBAN SINGH

Cop vs cops in Gemas station
GEMAS: A policeman has lodged a report against all his colleagues including his superiors allegedly over dissatisfaction on how the monthly bribes from those operating illegal activities was being distributed.
In retaliation, one of his superiors, a sergeant, lodged another police report against the policeman, a lance corporal, for allegedly selling station property to scrap dealers.
A source said the lance corporal, in his 40s, was dissatisfied with his superiors for allegedly taking the lion’s share of the bribes while the rank and file received very little.
“In fact, the complainant claimed that he did not get a sen,” the source said.
The report was lodged earlier this week.
The sergeant, in an apparent tit-for-tat, lodged another report against the lance corporal alleging that he had sold some old wooden and iron furniture from the police station to a dealer.
“His colleagues even know where the dealer is operating from,” the source said.
State police chief Datuk Osman Salleh confirmed that a report has been lodged.
“We are investigating the claims made by the lance corporal. We do not want to make conclusions straightaway as the allegations are serious,” he said.
He said all the policemen were still on duty and have not been asked to go on leave.
He said action would be taken against his men if the claims were true.
It is understood that the Anti-Corruption Agency has also started a probe.

Random Thoughts

The F*** Word...On A Bill?

Yeah, they are sorry over it now but I'm still curious as to how it got there in the first place!

Restaurant sorry over F word bill

Source: www.bbc.co.uk

A restaurant owner has apologised after diners had their very own F word experience - without Gordon Ramsay.
Ten friends found the abusive and sexually-explicit message on their bill at Joe Delucci's Italian restaurant in Bird Street, Lichfield, Staffordshire.
Diner Clare Watkin said she thought it was written after they complained about poor service.
The party from Walsall had gone to the restaurant on Friday. Owner Nigel Langsdon has begun an investigation.
Ms Watkin said: "I couldn't believe it. The bill read 'fish cakes', which one of us had for a starter, and it was written right above it - absolutely disgusting language.
"We actually booked the table for 8 o' clock in the evening, by the time they had taken our order it was quarter to nine and we didn't actually receive our food until quarter past 10."
She added: "I'd like a written apology from the restaurant and I'd also like some compensation.
"I think that the way that we've been spoken to is absolutely outrageous."
TV chef Gordon Ramsay's foul-mouthed diatribes on his Channel 4 show The F Word have given viewers an insight into the type of language often used in the restaurant kitchen.
Joe Delucci's owner Mr Langsdon said the message had been meant to be seen only by kitchen staff and he did not know how it ended up as an item on the receipt.
He said: "That shouldn't come out on the bill, so we've got to find out what's gone wrong there.
"But we have apologised unreservedly to the girls concerned and said that they're very welcome to come back and have a free meal and we'd like them to."
He has also offered to donate the bill for their meal to charity.
The cost of the meal came to £284.68, including a 10% service charge.

Linking High Heels & Improved Sex Life

I never saw the link between high heels and sex life...all my life, I only know of unbearable back ache when I stand too long wearing heels but boy, this sure is a discovery to all those who kick ass with their heels!

High heels 'may improve sex life'

Source: www.bbc.co.uk

Hers may be a little on the high sideWearing higher heels - although perhaps not stilettos - may improve your pelvic floor muscles and in doing so boost your sex life, a study suggests.
An Italian urologist and self-professed lover of the sexy shoe set out to prove that high heels were not as bad for women's health as some suggest.
The shoe has been linked to a range of problems - from corns to schizophrenia.
But in a letter to European Urology, Dr Maria Cerruto said her research showed it was time to stand up for the heel.
She said her study of 66 women under 50 found that those who held their foot at a 15 degree angle to the ground - the equivalent of a two inch heel - had as good posture as those who wore flat shoes, and crucially showed less electrical activity in their pelvic muscles.
This suggested the muscles were at an optimum position, which could well improve their strength and ability to contract.
The pelvic floor muscles are an essential component of the female body. As well as assisting sexual performance and satisfaction, they provide vital support to the pelvic organs, which include the bladder, bowels and uterus.
But they often weaken after pregnancy and childbirth, and as the woman gets older. There are exercises to strengthen them, but Dr Cerruto hopes her findings may eliminate the need for these.
"Women often have difficulty in carrying out the right exercises for the pelvic zone and wearing heels could be the solution," she said.
"Like many women, I like high-heeled shoes," she added. "It's good to know they have potential health benefits."
Gill Brook, a women's health physiotherapist in Bradford, stressed the findings did not suggest that stilettos were a good thing for those keen on improving their pelvic floor function.
"But for women who like a slightly higher heel, these are reassuring findings - although we haven't yet done away with the need for regular exercises to maintain what is such an important part of the female body."

Poor Bird!

To say the least, I was aghast after reading the following news.

What do they mean by refusing to die after the throat was slit twice? Any sane and compassionate person would have let that bird go but no - not in this case when the complain is that the bird is back on its two feet despite the horror!

Now, what do you say about this?

NST Online » Local News
05/02/2008

Duck that refuses to die

ALOR GAJAH: A duck that refuses to die after having its throat slit twice has become the talk of Masjid Tanah here.

Bahari Ali, 44, said he slit its throat about 7.45am on Sunday, but found it alive hours later.

The poultry farmer said the duck's throat had nearly been severed, but it was none the worse for it.

"Its throat had a large cut but the duck was still breathing," he said.

After observing the duck for 15 hours, Bahari sought the help of an imam to finish the job.

However, the duck did not die even after the imam slit its throat a second time.

Bahari said he had expected the duck to be dead by morning, but found it waddling around as usual.

"It is beginning to smell bad and cannot eat because of the two cuts. But it is still doing what it normally does in its coop," he added.

A Cuckolded Hubby & A Drunk Pooch

A new year, a new start and what have we got here?

750,000 dollars in damages for cuckolded husband
WASHINGTON (AFP) - A Mississippi businessman must pay more than 750,000 dollars in damages to the man whose wife he wooed away, after the US Supreme Court on Monday declined to hear an appeal in the case.
In 1997, Sandra Valentine began working for Jerry Fitch, a wealthy realtor and successful businessman.
When she gave birth to a daughter two years later, it quickly became apparent that her boss -- not her plumber husband -- was the baby's father.
The couple divorced a short time later, after legal proceedings in which she acknowledged an adulterous relationship with Fitch, whom she tied the knot with a short time later.
But armed with the admission of adultery, betrayed ex-husband Johnny Valentine decided to sue Fitch, based on an antiquated Mississippi state law permitting a cuckolded spouse to seek damages for "loss of society, companionship, love and affection," as well as "the loss of sexual relations."
About a half dozen US states have similar "alienation of affection" laws on the book.
The Mississippi Supreme Court upheld a jury verdict awarding some 750,000 dollars to Valentine.
Fitch, who decried the verdict as unconstitutional, "antiquated" and based on "medieval notions" about marriage and property, appealed to the Mississippi Supreme Court which refused to overturn the verdict.
His appeal of last resort failed on Monday when the US Supreme Court declined to take up the case.

The next time you have plans of wooing someone else's partner, think again and while you are it, check your bank balance too!

Dog hospitalised for being over the limit: newspaper

VIENNA (AFP) - A dog was admitted to a veterinary clinic in Austria at the weekend, barely able to stand on his own four paws and reeking "like a beer hall," a newspaper reported on Monday.
Dingo, a three-year-old labrador weighing 40 kilogrammes (88 pounds), was a pitiful sight when his owner, a hunter, brought him in to the surgery in the Salzkammergut region, the Oberoesterreichische Nachrichten quoted vet Karl Hofbauer as saying.
"The dog had dreadful wind and diarrhea, and was vomiting a lot," Hofbauer said.
"When I got him up on the table, it smelt like a distillery."
Tests indicated that the dog had a blood alcohol content of 1.6 milligrams per 100 millilitres.
But that was not the result of Dingo having one drink too many, the owner insisted.
The hungry pooch had stolen and secretly devoured half a kilogramme of fresh yeast dough from the kitchen. Alcohol had formed inside his stomach as a result of the fermentation process, leaving poor old Dingo stone drunk.
"Nasty-minded people said that we hunters are often drunk. With me, it's my dog," joked the owner.

Now, make sure you keep an eye on your pooch, will you?